


All I Want Is Now

by bccalling



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Episode: s11e23 Alpha and Omega, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Season/Series 11, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 15:52:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6992197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bccalling/pseuds/bccalling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam tries to say goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Want Is Now

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Snow Patrol’s “Set Down Your Glass” aka my go-to apocalyptic Winchester goodbye song since “Swan Song.”

“Tell me what you want, Dean,“ Sam murmurs quietly, his fingers tracing over his brother’s skin.

They’re in Dean’s bed, listening to the quiet; nothing but the sounds of their breath and their whispered words to break the silence.

They probably shouldn’t be here, they both know. The end of the world is looming, and they’re looking down the barrel of endless sacrifice. Again.

But Sam’s saying goodbye to his big brother, and this time they think maybe it’s for real. So Sam is going to give Dean every single moment of comfort that he can before that happens. And then, when it does, promise or no, Sam is going to follow right after Dean. Because if there’s one thing Sam has learned in all his time on this earth and through all his second chances, it’s that neither one of them is terribly good at surviving without the other.

But until that moment comes, Sam is going to spend every last waking breath showing his big brother exactly how much Dean means to him.

So Sam smiles gently against the curve of Dean’s shoulder and presses a kiss there as his fingers leave behind delicate traces over Dean’s hips.

“Just tell me what you want, big brother.” Sam murmurs against Dean’s skin. He feels his brother shiver at the sensation. “Anything.”

“Wanna feel you,” Dean’s voice shakes; a combination of need and emotion clouding his tone, as he tucks his face into Sam’s hair to hide his embarrassment. Dean’s never been good at asking for what he wants, and this is no exception. Sam smiles fondly at that realization, as Dean continues on a stammered breath, “Want you inside me, Sammy. Want to be able to feel you until I take my last breath.”

And that’s more than Sam was ready to hear. He sucks in a surprised gasp as tears well in his eyes and his arms shift to lock around Dean’s waist, crushing his brother to him with more force than he’d intended. Because maybe, if he can pull Dean close enough, just maybe Sam will never lose him again.

“Sorry,” Sam murmurs, a break in his voice as he loosens his grip on Dean, his whole body shaking as he tries to control his emotions, “Sorry, Dean. Sorry. I just–I don’t want to lose you again. Don’t know how to be without you.”

“I know, Sammy,” Dean breaths into Sam’s hair as he presses a kiss to his brother’s temple, soft fingers cradling Sam’s cheek, “I know. I’m so sorry. I don’t want to leave you. But we don’t have a choice here. I can’t just let the world end. Not if I can stop it.”

Sam nods shakily, as he buries his face in Dean’s shoulder and swallows hard. He doesn’t trust himself to speak; knows he won’t be able to stave off the emotion he’s trying to keep in check.

Sam stays like that for a long time, breathing deep and clinging to Dean as his brother strokes his hair and whispers reassurance. It hurts so deep that Sam’s not sure he’s going to survive it. Feels like his heart might just stop right along with Dean’s.

Sam can’t quite keep a couple of tears from squeezing past his resistance, and when they drip to Dean’s shoulder, Sam feels Dean’s arms tighten to cocoon around him, tucking him safely against his big brother’s body. And Sam breaks then, tears spilling from his eyes as he clings to Dean, his whole body trembling.

“I don’t think I can live without you,” Sam whispers through his tears.

“I know, sweetheart. But I need you to, okay? Need you to live for me.” Sam grips tighter to Dean, as Dean pulls back a bit to look Sam in the eye, Dean’s hands cradling Sam’s face. “Now how about we make the most of the time we have left?”

Sam smiles genuinely through his tears and nods a little at Dean’s suggestion.

“Yeah,” Sam breaths, hands trailing Dean’s sides as he shifts them forward a bit, so he can settle his brother properly in his lap, tipping up to catch Dean’s lips with his own.

And there’s a moment, when Dean sinks down onto him with a gentle gasp, that Sam feels his world stop, feels like maybe they can have this forever. He knows–- _knows_ -–that they only have hours left together. But he feels whole here, wrapped up inside his big brother in every possible way.

And for now, that’s enough.

So he tightens his arms around his brother and tucks his face into Dean’s neck and lets Dean set the pace-–slow and soft and a little bit desperate-–as Sam whispers his love over and over into his big brother’s skin.


End file.
